Chaos Inner No Sense
- 27 Sep 2020 -
inner free flow
#09/22/2020 it isnt the state that determines the actions, its the actions that determine the state
I’m so good, Soo Soo good, I’m so bad, baa eee aaa aaaad, the opposite side of me, is what I aspire to be!! Take me up, take me down, spin me around and around, turn me upside down, to wear a grin, a dance with gin, Oh street corner fellar, can you help me with the weather, do you want my favorite sweater, the wool has come untethered, and I fear we may be walking barefoot soon, you bride and I’ll groom your lush hair, don’t be afraid my dear, it only hurts at first, we sing together and dance together forever, you get used to it I promise, we’re free puppets on strings, free to dance dance round we go..
No more singing… Oh street corner lookers, you really ought to hook her up with a couple a wristie cuffs, but let me let you in… on a little madness… looms right between The light casting down from the street lamp and the darkness underneath it… Would be a shame for the lights to go out…
words here all over my head catch them wrap them write them dead spontaneous combust relatural collatyrannical foolishnness how could one start to depress the meaning of thought based narratives what ai wrote this john john john where is the free flow where does the channel pour out to if it is accessible why can i see it there what does it take to travel here it pours out it refills but i stress it and it drains how to keep going, keep going, wanting more, wanting it all, seeing the images arise the feelings come up and overtake pulling on my skin i dont know where they begin and you my friend who isnt seen, watching me write this, watching from a screen, look how you judge me, do you remember when you said i was a genius, do you remember when i was a fool, so you see how very inconsistent your assessments. i care a little too much, too much a little, free. free. free. free. free. yes. no. anywhere. i go. i see it now. the truth is i’m scared. my writing represses because i fear what horrid words might come out of my mouth if the unrepressed subconscious were to light up this tunnel. i will make a habit of this. I will praise and thank the lord as well. i will make sure they don’t just call me mad, i will make sure they love my madness. Become madness madness is becoming of me, a game, a dance, a jest, a rant, a stolen word, a caught phrase, what is life but a unforgotten daze. how to gauge the wealth of ones words, you place them in funny strings and they value them more, as if the composition adds to the result, how i long to be what i am. how does one wish to be what they are. why cant i be anything else.
..I love you, but I don’t know how to, I want you to be okay, I love you enough to not need you to stay, I want to love you close enough that I don’t get scared and run away, To close or too far? I love you no matter where you are. Don’t hold me I’m scared, don’t run from me, I care. You and Me, I and We, That’s the way you see that I am who is free be a la la la la running off to the
Ocean commotion is where I return, breath breathing in these sparkling rains afraid of nothing, becoming what i am, i am becoming, and unbecoming, You are Here and I am There.
tired why so tired i am writing why isnt the flow coming to where is the direction to go right now love life death epace kindness compassion joy renewal strength a being a doing a calling a shortness a longing a 10,000 words 10,000 words 10,000 years 10,000 hours to mastery more work less work no work all work work work fun play every day