possibility - 05 Aug 2020 -

Miracles are happening. Prayers are coming true. Suddenly, I have never been in more terror.

If I really can hold the power to turn my thoughts into reality, I am not sure that I can handle the consequences of using that power. Or the consequences of not using that power. There are prayers I’ve set into motion that will rip myself as I know myself to shreds. There are pains that I may open up to that will be unbearable. I am not sure how I will be able to handle existence if it becomes too much.

The terrifying part of possibility is how much more could be possible if anything is possible. A cause and effect physical world is understandable and seemingly controllable in its nature. That is the illusion. The illusion that any of it is concrete at all, that the forces we can see govern the results.

It is the unseen that creates this world. The possibilities of the unseen, endless, are beyond comprehension. Suddenly they enlarge beyond the scope of my imagination. No longer am I so big in my world. I become a tiny speck, wielding the power of god.

I suppose then that my only option is to trust that the divine source that I call love is unchanging and hope that it does not change on me, because ultimately I am helpless to its power.

That is what is most terrifying. As I widen the scope to the possibility of what god might be, to how such a thing works, I can see that it is far more complex and works in far more mysterious ways than I understand. That god is not operating in a single way I understand as ‘goodness’. That god is not based on my feelings of goodness at all. I can rationalize it to be good, I can find comfort in a narrative of my own design, but this represents me, not it.

It is far more alien in nature than that. It is far beyond concepts that I can recognize. It does not operate with laws and in terms of space or what could be. It could make anything happen at any moment.

Anything is far beyond what we consider to be possible. It isn’t that god could turn water into wine, it’s that god could turn hate into love, gravity into fire. With real possibility, the possibility allowed by thought, that which is thought, god could change the rules that define reality themselves.

The physical world is the most fragile part of existence, being the endpoint to all of the laws holding up the rest of this.

To harness thought, is to play god.

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