open heart/being - 06 Aug 2020 -
A beautiful day, truly in many moments a dream, the warm waters of the ocean were a perfect heaven on Earth. In the physical, how could it get better than this?
In my heart was not the same. Becoming fully open to emotions was more than I had expected. My awareness of feelings has grown. Not such feelings as anger and joy, but a sensitivity to the entire sea of feelings has opened. As I start to see that what I sense from looking at things in the external are feelings happening within me, suddenly there is too much happening within me. The feelings I have towards what I have disdain for, now they turn around, they aim at my heart and my sense of identity, they strike. They turn sharp. Suddenly they are surrounding me. I cannot escape them as I cannot escape myself. I cannot escape the world for which I am no different from.
Only one feeling becomes me, the pain in my chest, the feeling of overwhelming, too much, and again the fear that getting what I pray for may be unbearable. What bigger fear do I have then getting the reality I desire and not being able to show up in it.