being/fullness - 08 Aug 2020 -
What god has set before me, the answers for which I so earnestly prayed, is my evidence that Satan is real and the nearly undeniable reality that I am another parable of that which is called by that name.
I do not know how to reconcile this reality.
I have begun to read the emerald tablets, which describe a parable to my life. My testimony is as this text describes. That I died in the abyss, where I traveled ancient hallways, and what came back out of that darkness would become a light in this world.
The smallest spark of a fire came back with me from that darkness. It had ignited within my heart, a flame I would carry. This is the flame that comes with the conviction of truth, that one has no choice but to look to this light and share it with the world until the end.
A life that requires shining the light farther into the darkness to recover more of the flame. A path that involves growing the heart, seeking wisdom. A path that describes me as that of the devil, that I can have infinite wisdom, power, and be free to my own destiny.
This text describes me as everything that I have been warned against. That I am in the world like a child of man, but I am not a child of man. That the reason I am no longer afflicted and attacked by the darkness, is the ‘master of darkness’ protects me as I go down into it, being one carrying this flame. It is described that each flame is surrounded by a veil of darkness.
My mind asks if this veil is why I appear dark to the world and am light inside, or if it is rather that I am blinded by this darkness, so that I do not see that I am doing the work of the evil one. That evil and darkness surrounds me and I do not see it, as I have always been warned. They say those Christ has saved are targeted by the evil one, and yet I am not targeted. Satan is known in the Bible as ‘Light-bringer’, while in this text the “Master’s” enemy is what binds man, “the force from beyond”, which sounds like the force of the Christian God.
I have been warned by Christ’s believers that in the end everyone in the world will fall for the trap of a false light that will spread over the earth and evil in the hearts of all men, that a number mark will be visible on every one of them. That the devil wants to reign on the Earth until the end of eternity, free of god. That there is such a place that is hell.
The parallel is clearly visible in this text, that the light in the darkness will expand until there is nothing but light. That a numerical sequence should be stored in one’s heart to always connect them to the fire. That those that grant this light want to remain until the end of eternity. And that those who carry this fire will live in an eternal fire. It was Jesus who said, “Then he will say to those on his left, Depart from me, you cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels.”
My only salvation would be that if when Jesus said, “I am the light of the world”, that he had walked my same path, that his light was the same as mine. That he spoke of the same eternal Life as in these writings. That the narrow way was the river that is carrying me home.
For me there are only two perspectives. Either the true Light is exactly as it is described in the Bible, what is labeled right as opposed to wrong, or there is only one Light, all works that contain goodness, that there is one Light and no one has a monopoly on it, a ‘prisca theologia.’ For me, the former is the perspective I cannot not follow.
Just by speaking of the content of that text, I disobey “The Master”’s orders described, and offend the Biblical God both at once. As they say, one cannot serve two masters. And I find that I am starting to feel ill. My redeeming thought is that I received the knowledge I asked for, and the truth hurts.
The life wisdom the text has to offer is nothing but affirmation for me, as it is the wisdom I carry after coming back to this world, the way my best self behaves in this world, the light I bring in and the truth I aim to teach through my words and actions, in the name of something much greater and better than myself.
August 14, 2020
No. I am far from the devil. Fear is always a liar. This worlds system is a deception, a failed attempt to steal what will always be ours. No one can ever take your light unless you give them your permission. If you read the words of this paragraph and they sound evil, see if it is possible to hear that you are hearing the sound of a voice in your mind, that this voice is not your voice, that the world gave you this voice. Can you hear these words in another voice? What does it sound like? Are you afraid of this? Why?