- 27 Aug 2020 -

I went running parallel to the the ocean waves in the dark of moonlight.

When I stopped, I fell to my knees, bowed my head into the sand. I lifted my arms to the stars. Once life has taught you to let go, that fear of others seeing you, of embarrassment, that resistance in the body, it can no longer survive.

I closed my eyes and began a mental meditation, focusing on the center of my being, for me this is somewhere in the middle of my chest. In my mind I picture a being sitting in lotus position, surrounded in a white room, completely still. I imagine moving lines of colored light flowing into every part of this being. I focus on this feeling of peace and stillness, and extend this feeling to my physical body, out to the physical world I can see, out to the mental picture of the world I cannot, and out to the edges of the universe, until there is nothing but white light. With each breath I push it out farther. Then I bring it back, slowly with each breath, back into my core.

In dreams the night before a demonic entity that came back with me from the abyss years ago tormented me. It was harder than other things I’ve dealt with, as it shifted, always keeping itself from entering my gaze, hiding further into my darkness if I tried to look at it. But having imagined light as being everywhere, there was nowhere for it to run. I called out and prayed for all of the divine beings that support me, all that love me, and the angels and archangels to come to aid me. I placed this demon in front of me. I strengthened my will. I told this faceless, wordless entity that lived on fear that it could no longer stay here. I visualized a doorway to the abyss behind it, and tried to push it in. This proved ineffective.

I decided I was not leaving until this was dealt with. I called on more love, strengthened my will further. In my mind’s eye, my third eye, I visualized a blue flaming sword I had seen a few nights prior. As I imagined it, this time the sword grew three times its size. In the handle was a brilliant ball of energy, that looked much like if a blue flaming star was in the center of a black hole. I envisioned my spirit, a figure of yellow orange flame begin to grow. It magnified into a giant, the flames turning blue, into plasma.

I visualized the cord and the chains and ties connecting me to this entity and burned through them with this sword. I focused light on this enemy, surrounding it from all sides, forced it into this open portal and closed the door. I felt a new warmth and burning return into my heart.

I called on the warriors I had summoned to take care of whatever other darkness I could not see, whatever had been hidden from me.

Concluding this meditation, I walked into the ocean. The waters were unusually angry tonight. Powerful. The waves that crashed over me threw me backwards with them with violent force. I felt like I was going through a powerwashing machine. This was nature’s baptism, to which I handed over every last trace of fear to be swept away from my aura and taken into her depths.

I returned home with a fire of caring compassion and warmth burning like hot coal in my chest.

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