- 05 Sep 2020 -
Tonight I said to myself I didn’t need any more healing, that I could go forward with the power I’ve learned to harness and generate within myself.
Not long after these thoughts, I saw myself and my actions of the day from a better perspective. I reevaluated my efforts. At first my perspective was that I had represented despair. That it would generate thoughts in others, “Why doesn’t what he creates take off? What’s the point?” I was barely even connected to this perspective, closer to another one, and then fully moved into it. In this other perspective, I created something just for fun. I was someone who represented taking an action to create even if it doesn’t seem to go anywhere or make sense or seem logical. A few minutes later, while not thinking about much at all, I felt something change in my being. Something shifted, then I felt a mass of substance lift off of me. My eyes got teary and watery and I felt an emotional release in my chest. Afterwards my body had that feeling that I had been grieving and mourning for hours.
Maybe 10 minutes later, not looking for it I came to a teaching about why we self-sabotage to bring out our shame identity. My heart was in a place where it was able to hear it. I was able to look at my feelings of shame and breathe into them.
Then I remembered that I had saved a video about healing from rejection. This has been an ongoing undealt with issue in my life that it seems I avoided looking into how to fix. Tonight I watched it, and I was able to look at and heal through some of the worst parts of my memories of rejection. I came back around to the thoughts and feelings that are ‘yeah, I am enough’, ‘I am created from the divine’.
I learned that Aphrodite is the Taurus goddess and one of the teachers I respect is a Taurus, and I’m a Taurus. That sensuality is a lot of my life. And that’s mine. And I embrace that. It makes sense why I enjoy the physical pleasures so much, and it starts to give me an idea of why it is that I seek out the beautiful in life. Beauty is in a sense a sensual experience, similar to sensationalism.It usually requires the senses to perceive beauty, or it could be said even that beauty is what is underneath what is sensed.
All that I picked up this evening kind of wraps around to remind me of a stronger identity that is me, that is whole. My perspective refreshed on where I’m currently at on a level of being conscious, where I’m resonating at, that I am okay, I have grown a lot, and I am worth it to myself even if I don’t gain the validation of others.
I became reminded of something that no one has to explain to me, that if others are wanting to cut me down or even simply not accepting me because I’m pursuing good, joyful, or prosperous things, that which is of life, it has everything to do with them, not me.
Now I’ve just started to learn that I don’t need to aim for their approval and acceptance for me to be enough. I am enough.
You, are enough.