- 22 Apr 2021 -
Brother says, you already know what I believe. You already know everything I think. You know what I say doesn’t change. So I don’t see how our conversations are conducive, they aren’t going anywhere.
I said to him, I see what you’re saying, and it might be true that I know what you’re going to say. But, you don’t know what I’m going to say. What I’m going to say is always changing.
What I say in the conversation is a variable that is still changing.
This less than a minute conversation shocked me. My brothers awareness of my knowledge of his thoughts was not what I expected. This sounded like the kind of dialogue I would imagine in my head, and it matches the way I think internally. This exchange captured where we stood as people, our mutual awareness of our ultimate impass, our awareness of each other, the difference between us that I have long thought and not articulated out loud.
When I said this to him, I felt like I really saw us as characters in this play. And I feel like what I said, he understood something on a much deeper level than I am aware of. Perhaps he understood why I choose a path of change. I do not know.
What I do know is that my words, “But you don’t know what I’m going to say” were multilayered. On one level, I expressed and acknowledged that he also knows everything I think, to the extent that this is a statement he could expect me to make.
On the next level,