- 06 Jul 2021 -
ive been thinking a bit about, well now thats a lie, I havent, but I have a voice entertaining me, processing what I’ve been reading talking about how artists get jealous of the one who gets on stage, because the one who gets the spotlight is often not the one with real talent, its the one who was, well, more shameless and jumped up there and it makes me think
Ill be honest, I would never send pieces to a bunch of places hoping to get recognized. I’ve never even been able to write articles Half of me says that’s out of laziness born out of fear, the other half says that I would never sell my creative spark. One part of me wants to pretend to be the talented, jealous hidden artist a more active part of me wants to be a bashful, forceful lumping menace that stumbles onto a platform without a fuck, first day on the job, with none of the years of entitlement and work, and says hello I’m the one willing to take this
and so you see an entire narrative in a delusional story that doesn’t even have a bearing in the real world, because there’s about a 35% chance I destroyed the creative genius i displayed when i was a kid, and look at my art. What art? Where did I even get that story? And for a while I wanted to say my personality was my own favorite art project, but where all those characters and personas ran off to I surely do not know. and this book the Artists Way is confirmed working, as evidenced by these previous paragraphs
doxxed its right, master masochism strikes again
Taarof — Today at 4:56 AM the previous paragraphs are very honest. Since i don’t know you too well, the only thing i will hope is for you to continue writing (partially selfish request).
424 Divenie ✨SorceRawr.com — Today at 4:56 AM That is the only thing I can be as sure as I can be I will continue honest..or delusional self established narratives to support my feelings and belief system I’m under contract right now in this book
Taarof — Today at 4:58 AM I have no idea. I mean, “honest” in that it was written without “double speak” or obfuscation
424 Divenie ✨SorceRawr.com — Today at 4:58 AM oh. yeah. vulnerable.
contract: “I, [divi], understand that I am undertaking an intensive, guided enounter with my own creativity. I commit myself to the 12 week duration of the course…blah…further understand that the course will raise issues and emotions for me to deal with…I, [divi], commit myself to excellent self-care –adequate sleep, diet, exercise, and pampering for the duration..” this book is pretty much calling out my inner satan
there’s no way i get through these 12 weeks without some kind of breakdowns
hopefully sobriety doesn’t become an issue
But I don’t think it will because the chain would fall like this,
Smoking -> Kratom -> Alcohol(probably instantly fatal for me)
and stopping smoking is what granted me all this power so i doubt id give it up
Taarof — Today at 5:04 AM that book seems terrifying. No wonder you said it could change your life
424 Divenie ✨SorceRawr.com — Today at 5:07 AM it is. I don’t even know how to review it because I don’t see how most people could get through it. I’m not saying I’m more equipped, but I’m used to extreme mental crisis’/psychosis, familiar with confronting different aspects of self and personality, pretty much willing to die for creativity, and have a few years of tools to help me, not to mention spirituality.. In a classroom group setting I could see it being super good but..
what’s actually more interesting now..I didn’t plan to ever speak of this, but upon skimming a book on deep inner therapy, it triggered a pain in me that’s the kind that would make someone plan to jump off a bridge.. so how interesting I felt that before feeling the emotional pain thats triggered in this one..
so many companion pieces and books ive read that complement this read.. its almost like i really was meant to read them.. so i could read this.. and read this so i can read something else later.. it has felt for a few years like my higher self knows what its teaching me and giving me the essentials
oh btw as ive said a few times today i’ve written the notes for the first week of the book on sorcerawr [now I have to go back to transcribe notes from the introduction ]
Taarof — Today at 5:13 AM i’ll be able to respond more clearly later. But your documenting of your journey through reading this book might be good for others and yourself. i hope it ends positively.